Mamma mia, Nintendo stole Mario’s whole ass in his upcoming movie

Mario is humble hero. Fans have eagerly been waiting for more details about his forthcoming feature film. On Tuesday, Nintendo shared a teaser for an upcoming trailer, and we get to see Mario in all of his glory, looking up at a bright and brilliant — hey. Hey, what’s going on with his ass?

All of us true gamers know that Mario’s a round little dude with a little bit of a tum and a plump butt. I do not mean to be controversial; this is simply what I’ve observed over decades of hardcore gaming. And yet, if you take a gander at this poster, Mario’s got absolutely nothing going on in those overalls of his.

Image: Illumination/Universal Pictures via Polygon

My guess is that Nintendo is trying to get a monopoly on the game. Sonic the Hedgehog-style fan campaign to restore Mario’s mighty cheeks, because right now it’s just sad to see such an iconic hero wearing such saggy, empty overalls. We can’t trust him to send goomba shells flying and jump on goombas, when he doesn’t have any cake. I suppose he’s in fine companyMario is a great gaming icon.

Sure, there are lots of fun easter eggs to spot from previous entries in the Mario canon, and it’s interesting to think about how a big star like Chris Pratt will voice this classic gaming character. But I can’t dwell on these things. I’m too forlorn, thinking about Mario’s tiny little Hank Hill butt.

We’ll find out more about the film at Thursday’s Nintendo Direct focusing on Super Mario Bros. Movie. It’ll be a while yet before all of our questions are answered; the movie is slated to hit theatres on April 7, 2023.