Will House of the Dragon’s Ser Criston Cole chill the hell out

In a show absolutely lousy with terrible people, it takes a special kind of jerk to make the viewer stop and say “OK, maybe that’s A little bit much, dude.” Yet somehow, Ser Criston Cole manages to do it all the time, like a guy who’s determined to win a secret competition for House of the Dragon’s biggest jag.

The latest example of this was in this week’s episode, “The Green Council,” an intense hour that chronicled a swift coup of the Iron Throne on behalf of Prince Aegon, and by extension, Queen Alicent. It’s at the start of this coup, when the Small Council begins to make swift plans to install Aegon as king, that Criston continues his proud tradition of acting like a dingus.

As it turns out, Lord Beesbury is one of the few council members that isn’t down with replacing Rhaenyra as heir, and he isn’t quiet about it. After he threatens to leave, Ser Criston goes to force him back into his seat, but with such force that the old man’s head slams against the table, killing him. This accidental murder is convenient for the council’s goals, so Criston isn’t really punished, although it’s clear that everyone present thinks he’s a real bonehead.

Sir. Ser. Wyd. Wyd. You can tell them about all the ways you’ve been a tool, and perhaps even work through them. Consider:

• He was utterly confused that Rhaenyra would inherit the Iron Throne because she is a young lady who wants nothing more than for it to happen. NotWant to go off with him, and live as a nobody in Dorne.
• He refused to accept the fact Rhaenyra had been Always going to marry another person, looking so surly at her wedding celebration that when Joffrey guessed he was Rhaenyra’s paramour, he Beat the man to death.
• Continuing to hold a grudge against his ex to the point that not only does he become her best frenemy’s lackey, but he AlsoBullies her children!

It’s a credit to Fabien Frankel’s performance that every time Criston Cole appears on screen I swear under my breath, wondering out loud what this complete nincompoop is going to do next. Frankel is a master at bait-and-switch. He transforms from a suave Dornish swordsmith into incredibly petty ex. Frankel can be both charming and handsome. He is often unaware of how beautiful he looks, but is also intrigued by the possibility that anyone might say no to him. It’s a set of talents perfect for depicting Ser Criston Cole’s life as one of unexamined Hottie Privilege.

It’s a shame. Ser Criston did not have to live this way. It would be great if he could study the ways of his brother as thoroughly as the blade. Being a Kept Boy wouldn’t have been so bad! He might’ve had a shot at being the only happy person in King’s Landing.