Which Looney Tunes would really make the best Space Jam team?

Bugs versus Elmer Fudd, Wile E. Coyote versus Road Runner, Tweety versus Sylvester, Daffy Duck versus the world — for more than 80 years, the Warner Bros. toons have fought each other to a comic standstill, without anyone ever claiming a long-term victory. It is clear that if any Looney Tunes character wants to win, it will require specific and objective victory conditions. This includes the one they are facing on the basketball court. Space JamAnd Space Jam: A New Legacy.

Pop culture has a constant question: Who would win? We’re dedicating a whole week to discussions that have shaped movies, comics, TV and video games for the better or worse. Polygon’s Week on Who Would Win Week is here.

These lines of thinking led us to realize that we are both. Space Jam movies, the court rivalry between the Looney Tunes and the villains is played for big sports drama, but in both games, it’s a foregone conclusion. “Who Would Win: Your Favorite Cartoon Characters Plus an International Sports Star, Or Some Scrubs We Just Made Up For This Movie?” isn’t even that interesting a question. However, what if Both What if you had beloved characters on your team? What team could win if Looney Tune Space Jammed? That was what we had to do.

We needed to draft two Looney Tunes team teams for the purposes of conflict. Curation editor Pete Volk and Film/streaming editor Tasha Robinson volunteered as tribute, and Pete won the coin flip, so he’s taking first pick at the draft. All Looney Tunes characters are welcome to join the draft. Once we’ve got teams drafted, we’ve asked our basketball-aficionado friends at SBNation to make the call on who wins.

Looney Tunes Draft

Round 1: Lola Bunny vs. Bugs Bunny

Pete: There’s only one logical choice for the first pick: the rabbit, the myth, the legend, Bugs Bunny. Bugs’ basketball skills impress, for sure — he’s an all-around player who has the speed, the skills, and the strength to deliver on the court — but he gets picked first here for two reasons: leadership and gumption. Bugs is an excellent problem-solver.

Tasha: There’s only one Tune who could oppose Bugs on the court, and it isn’t any of his traditional rivals, who all end up flattened or blasted whenever they face him. It’s the Looney Tunes’ only laser-focused all-arounder who’s displayed solo court skills, respect for teamwork, and enough grace and poise to not crack under pressure. She’s equally quick with a pass, an inspirational speech, and a quip. I’m taking Lola BunnyI am the team captain.

Round 2: Foghorn Lehorn vs. Road Runner

Tasha: I’m up next by snake draft rules, and I gotta go for speed. Looney Tunes may have lots of speed, but only one player can beat them all. He has a demonstrated knack for getting around or bypassing every barrier and trap that is placed in his path. I’ve got Road Runner My second selection.

Pete: Since you stole Lola, you’ve unquestionably taken the most talented basketball player on the Looney Tunes roster. So what’s the answer to talent in basketball? Pure height. I did my research, i.e. frantically googling “tallest Looney Tunes”), and I say, I do sayWith Bugs Bunny, Foghorn Leghorn. An imposing presence in the post at an estimated 6’4” (not including his comb, some chicken terminology I learned today), Foghorn will block any shots put up the near basket, wagging his finger at his opponent while taunting “Now I say I say, not in my coop!”

Round 3: Wile E. Coyote vs. Yakko Warner

Pete: The cards are on the table. Wile E. ColoyotePick by my team and a Road Runner pick from mine, I might be able to undo my cause. We need to use tricks, but this is Looney Tunes basketball. And CComplex contraptions require more skill and larger size than any other skills.. I’m concerned that Wile E. will be distracted or even taken out of the game by that dastardly Road Runner, but if he can make up for it with some well-placed dynamite or a brilliantly painted fake basket that tricks the other team or a Rube Goldberg device that scores 20 three-pointers in a row, it’ll all be worth it.

Tasha: I want to note that while Foghorn Leghorn is tall, it’s notable how often both Space Jam movies go for “fried chicken” jokes by blowing or burning him up. And with Wile E. on your team, you’re sure to be dealing with a lot of friendly-fire incidents.

Rewatching these films, it also becomes obvious that most of the Tunes have logged at least a little court time, but they’re all consistently bad at fundamentals. Taz is fast but does not have control and likes to chew the balls. Tweety is a skilled kung-fu artist who can show off some nice moves against opponents. However, he becomes flattened when trying to play defense. Daffy, Porky, Sylvester, Elmer, you name it, they’re all short and slow. So for my next pick, I’m going to reach outside the familiar roster and try out a rookie: Yakko Warner.

Round 4: Tasmanian Devil against. Dot Warner

Tasha: And for my next pick, I’m taking Dot Warner. The Warners aren’t Classic Looney Tunes, but they’re unquestionably in the same world and certainly looney and tuney. They have an even better track record in winning over their competitors than the original Tunes team. They’re crafty and quick, they’re just as good at Mr. Coyote at producing explosives out of nowhere for a gag, they rely on teamwork, and they have that Tune-esque ability to just appear suddenly wherever they want to be. If Dot needs to shut down an opponent, she’s got a killer “But I’m too cute to oppose” move, or I can have Yakko distract your entire team with an enlightening song about geography. And since we haven’t seen them on the court yet, you’ll have a harder time anticipating their weak spots.

Pete: Daffy Duck, as you know, is unselfish, inept, and wasteful of court space. What I need right now is a tenacious defender, so I’m taking Tasmanian Devil. His height is not as great as his grit. This little guy is so committed to his cause that he will eat the ball instead of letting his opponent score. Metta Sandiford Artest only wishes she had such a level of dedication. I’m also betting that, if he put his mind to it, he could do his little tornado thing to get enough verticality to actually get close to the hoop on occasion. But mainly he’s here to play lockdown defense and occasionally cause a stoppage of play when the ball … goes missing.

Round 5: Gossamer vs. Sam Sheepdog

Pete: Once again, my brave strategy of not letting go on height is paying off. We’re going even bigger, even redder (or orange-r, I guess): it’s Gossamer. Gossamer, who stands 8 feet tall and was previously a pro in Libya, would be tied for the title as tallest professional basketball player (along with former Libyan star Suleiman Ali Nashnush). Now, he hasn’t been the most effective player in previous Space Jam Iterations showed both lack of mobility as well as a propensity to catch fire. But I’m blaming the coach. Because Gossamer is 8 feet tall, I believe he has all the skills to play in any Looney Tunes basketball team.

Tasha: Please note, Gossamer’s ineffectiveness on the court is something I would like to point out. Space Jam: A New Legacy. He is shaved down And You can chill him! He absorbs water from his opponent and does not do anything else in the whole game.

I’ll wrap my frontline team draft with an equally deep cut: Sam Sheepdog. Now here’s a guy who handles responsibility well. Over the course of seven classic shorts in the 1950s and 1960s, we’ve seen him defend his flock of sheep from Ralph Wolf using brawn, brains, implacability, and that weird Tunes ability to teleport to wherever the action is. Ralph hasn’t been able to sneak a single sheep by him. There is no better defense than Ralph. Besides, he’s got the height to challenge your “tall Tunes only” strategy.

Round 6: Hugo, the Abominable snowman vs. Babbit

Tasha: A coach for Tunes must be mindful of the bench because so many injuries can happen. So I’ll take Hugo, the Abominable Snoman. I can’t believe you overlooked him in your height-obsessed Googling. Based on the pictures and his skill at balancing Bugs Bunny with one hand, this dude must have been 30 feet. He is not the most brilliant player but he will likely claim your defense line and his pets as his pet, cuddling them until ineffectuality.

Pete: You correctly saw that Hugo was the next tall Tunes in my top 10. There is a backup plan. Babbit. And you know what that means…

Round 7: Catstello vs. Pepe le Pew

Graphic: Matt Patches/Polygon

Pete: I’m picking up Catstello, too. Yes. Yes. They are based on Abbott & Castello. Their basketball skills are lacking, but they have great chemistry together and can distract their opponents with funny gags. Babbit is also quite tall. Catstello … well, we can rely on him for moral support.

Tasha: Speaking of gagging, I’ll grab Pepe le Pew, who notably isn’t fast but always wherever the action is, and great at paralyzing opponents with his stink attack. (Yes, he was sidelined for several seasons due to all the sexual-harassment claims, but we’re trying to rehabilitate his image. He can use this intramural Looney Tunes Expo as an apology tour.

Round 8: Elmer Fudd vs. Wakko Warner

Graphic: Matt Patches/Polygon

Tasha: And what the hell, I’ll pull in Wakko Warner You can do the same. He’ll feel left out if he has to stay on the sidelines, and the sibs work best as a team. Also, we all know he’d turn up on the court anyway. He’s a chaos agent. You might as well keep it legal.

Pete: I was also doing height research and found that I enjoyed looking through every character on Looney Tunes Wiki. And I’m going to pat myself on the back for being the bigger person and not picking Looney Tunes Jason Voorhees. But in Round 8 I’m going back to the main roster for Elmer FuddI did this mainly to ensure that my respected opponent doesn’t ask me to assassinate our captain. Elmer also had a surprisingly major role on the court in the Tunes’ victory in Space Jam 2.

Round 9: Marvin the Martian Vs. Dainty Doa Standpipe

Graphic: Matt Patches/Polygon

Pete: Another choice is Marvin, the Martian, for two reasons: (1) ray gun and (2) he’s freaking adorable.

Tasha: At least with Wile E. on your team, you don’t have to worry about Marvin being distracted by a lack of Earth-shattering kabooms.

As my penultimate selection, I’m going back to 1942 in search of some Looney Tunes history. Dainty Dora Standpipe, from the Looney Tunes’ Dover Boys short. As we see in “The Rivals of Roquefort Hall,” she’s ridiculously fast — she floats like she doesn’t even have feet — and she’s a hell of a scrapper, more than capable of holding her own on the court. She’s even surprisingly tall. The Dover Boys can be seen in the first video. Space Jam — someone else also clearly also enjoyed this classic Chuck Jones oddity.)

Round 10: Porky Pig vs. Daffy Duck

Graphic: Matt Patches/Polygon

Tasha: And finally, we just can’t do this without Daffy Duck. Everything you said about him as a bad team player and a selfish glory hog is true … but it just wouldn’t be a Looney game without him. I’d miss his voice and his manic energy at every single moment of this game.

Pete: Last but not least, he is an excellent team player who I consider a true sweetheart. Although he may not be a great basketball player, he is a good teammate. Porky Pig This is the end of this fantastic experiment. That’s all, folks!

The dueling Toon Squads

Pete’s Toon Squad

Beginning at 5 Bugs Bunny (Captain), Wile. Coyote. Tasmanian Devil. Foghorn leghorn. Gossamer.

Bench 5: Babbit and Catstello Elmer Fudd Marvin the Martian Porky Pig

Tasha’s Toon Squad

Beginning at 5Lola Bunny (Captain), Road Runner Yakko and Dot Warner Sam Sheepdog

Bench 5: Hugo the Evil Snowman, Pepe Le Pew, Wakko Wagner, Dainty Doa Standpipe and Daffy Duck

Judges panel

Warner Bros. Pictures

Harrison Faigen, EIC of SB Nation’s Lakers community, Silver Screen and Roll

Pete is a serious loser for choosing his No. He chose to go with his No. 1 choice and not Lola who, even though he acknowledges that both films show her as being By far the most talented basketball player among the Tunes, and the only one who is able to give both Michael Jordan and LeBron’s teams a capable co-star.

To channel my inner Cousin Greg, I’m not familiar with half of the IP that is joining Lola’s squad, but usually basketball games — and especially exhibition games like this — come down to who has the best player for crunch time, and given that building around a star has been the formula for victory in both Space Jam films, Here, I must go with Team Tasha & Lola.

Hector Diaz is the social media manager for SB Nation.

The big question for general managers of teams of basketball is: Do you build your roster with star players at the expense or by having talented players on the bench? You have two options. Here are the scenarios presented by both these teams.

Pete’s starting lineup is mighty, with frontcourt duo of Foghorn Leghorn and Gossamer taking center stage. David Robinson-Tim Duncan Spurs could be proud of their defense and post work. Babbit or Castello, however, could reverse the years of hard work that their predecessors put in. Babbit is tall but he doesn’t have the frame of a Gossamer or a Leghorn. And while the duo has impeccable timing and chemistry, just one wrong move can throw the whole team awry (and let’s face it, it’s going to be Catstello’s fault).

Tasha’s team is all about versatility. Lola Bunny will be running circles around everyone, as will Road Runner. The third quarter run is more chaotic with Yakko Wakko and Dot, when starters take a break. That’s not even mentioning that they’re siblings, making their chemistry second to none. This is a brilliant draft move on Tasha’s part that merits consideration for Executive of the Year.

If these teams were drafted to play out a lengthy season, Pete’s team would tumble in the standings because of Babbitt and Catsello. While Wile E.Coyote or Marvin The Martian might prevent it from happening for a while, that would not stop it from happening. Team Tasha, with its unmatched cardio, would be able to enjoy a comfortable spot in the playoffs.

This is only for one purpose. Pete may play his starters 40 to 45 minutes for close wins. Tasha’s team can speed by the guards, but they won’t be able to score with the brick wall of a frontcourt that Pete has assembled.

Sabreena Merchant, EIC of SB Nation’s women’s basketball community, Swish Appeal

I can’t get over Pete willingly skipping the best player on the board to get Bugs Bunny’s intangibles at the top of the draft. If we’ve learned anything from two Space Jam movies, it’s that no Toon holds a candle to Lola Bunny’s skills. We’ve seen her ball-handling, facilitating, and scoring all show up at the highest levels. It’s worth wondering how Lola will function as the number one option without MJ or LeBron on her team, but I trust Lola’s ability to take over far more than any other player in this draft, so Tasha has a huge lead after the first pick.

I’m intrigued by Pete’s strategy of going with size, but I’m not sure that’s the right idea in a Looney Tunes game when the Tunes’ best skill is their pace and disruption. This game isn’t going to be played in the half court if players like Taz, Road Runner, and Wile E. Coyote have anything to say about it, so is it really that advantageous to build a big frontcourt? Pete’s team is probably better served if he lets Bugs, Marvin, Road Runner, Daffy, and the Coyote get out in the open court and run some trick plays. There’s a track record for success when the Toons get Looney.

My question mark with Tasha’s team is all of the unproven talent. Unknown quantities are the Warner siblings Sam, Hugo and Dainty Doa. That could work to Tasha’s advantage if there’s no scouting report, but I do worry about their ability to get on the same page right away, especially if this is single elimination.

Ultimately, in a win-or-go home situation, the team with the best player usually comes out on top, and there’s no doubt that Lola is that player. Lola will do anything to get a bit of assistance from the Animaniacs. Tasha’s got this.

Winner: Tasha’s Toon Squad (please clap)