Trombone Champ turns all songs into tooting works of staggering genius

Trombone ChampThis question is simple but profound: How would you feel if the trombone was in your hand?

If you’ve played Guitar Hero or Rock Band games before, then you know how challenging musical instrument rhythm games can be. Trombone Champ takes a similar tack but for the gorgeous wind instrument, and instead of rock music you’ll be playing bona fide bangers such as Scott Joplin’s “The Entertainer,” literal Beethoven, and “The National Anthem.” (Try getting those tunes out of your head.) Although this rhythm game was first released one week ago, it took Twitter by storm when PC Gamer found it.

It is quite difficult. To move the pitch, you use the mouse. You must hit the pitch box exactly. Then hold the mouse button or press a keyboard key for the correct amount of time. Here’s the kicker: The slider moves in the opposite direction, top to bottom, from how you move your own mouse. It’s a small difference that’s just disorienting enough to make playing songs harder, especially at the speed that the rhythm game demands.

Luckily, the game is way more fun when you don’t really play it well, as the trombone plays its dulcet toot-toots in accordance with whichever notes you’re playing. This all happens on top of the actual backing track, with your trombone playing the lead melody, as if you’re creating your own version of Matt Mulholland’s recorder rendition of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” from Titanic.

The difficulty of each song varies. Some songs require you to do staccato jumps across the screen while others have you sliding down and holding the note down. Play well and you’ll get a “perfect” or a “nice” in response; mess up and game will proclaim it “nasty.” No matter the case, these songs only get more difficult to play through blinding tears — or in my case, while snotting all over myself in laughter.

As PC Gamer pointed out, these renditions are only enhanced by the game’s choice of visual backdrop to each stunning selection. An image of the U.S. National Anthem is shown alongside it. This transforms into money and then finally yields to a huge burger-and-fries combo. PC Gamer rightly points outTrombone ChampAs an instant GOTY nominee.

A similar strategy is visited upon “God Save the Queen.”

In this writer’s humble opinion, there is no song that cannot be improved with terrible trombone playing. (Who am I kidding — there is no such thing as bad trombone playing in the world of Trombone Champ. All of us are champions.

You can also play the game using the Steam Deck’s gyro controls, if you are — for some reason — looking for an extra challenge.

Guitar Hero may have “hero” in its name, but the real heroes are all of you, posting these Trombone Champ clips. Do not stop.