She-Hulk battles Donny Blaze, who actually isn’t Marvel’s worst magician

You’ve got to feel a little sorry for the struggling magic acts of the Marvel Universe. You are the Criss Angel from Earth 616. Just minding your business, practicing your illusions when a Master of the Mystic Arts comes along wearing a cape and throwing fireballs to make your Las Vegas tickets go to hell. It’s no surprise that so many Marvel workaday magicians have chosen to indulge in a bit of dark arts as an extra treat.

But consider this a public service announcement, fictional illusionists and variety show magic artists in the audience: A little bit of hardcore magic in your life is a lot more trouble than it’s worth. This week’s episode of She-Hulk This is an example.

[Ed. note: This piece contains a couple spoilers for She-Hulk episode 4.]

Image: Marvel Studios

Jen’s erstwhile antagonist Donny Blaze (who I can only assume is the Voltron combination of Ghost Riders Danny Ketch and Johnny Blaze) isn’t a bad fella, really. He’s just like the rest of us: He tried to coast His way through school (the magical graduate program at Doctor Strange’s Kamar-Taj), got in over his head, and bummed out. Who among us hasn’t tried to use our two semesters of college to pick up bar dates or summon a demon? He just wanted to sell some tickets for a struggling stage act — it’s not hisThings got out of control.

He would have probably known better had he been given a couple more Marvel back issues. Stage magicians are not the only ones who get themselves in trouble. This tradition dates back to the dawn of the Marvel Age. In 1962’s Fantastic Four #3, dramatically titled “The Menace of the Miracle Man,” the titular foursome follows up its first battles against the Mole Man and the Skrulls by fighting… a tall man with a goatee.

Joshua Ayers (the Miracle Man) was a man who tried hard to appear more than just a performance artist. He terrorized New York using the powerful power of stage-hypnotism, which Stan Lee believed was the most potent force on Earth, and before the Human Torch flashed brightly, the city was brought back to its senses.

Image by Stan Lee/Jack Kirby/Marvel Comics

Maybe that’s what later sent old Joshua straight into the comforting arms of the dark lord Satan. In 1983’s The Defenders#120. Ayers encountered Daimon hellstrom, the Son Of Satan, while he was in hiding at his monastery. The Miracle Man managed to steal Hellstrom’s powers, giving himself a demonic level-up for which he was entirely unprepared: After attempting to remake an entire Indonesian village into his idea of a model society, Ayers was taken down by a team-up of Hellstrom and his wife, Patsy Walker (aka Hellcat), and returned to his original condition. Not too long ago, he was seen getting pummeled by none other than She-Hulk and filing a lawsuit for compensation — so don’t be too surprised if we see him pop up on TV in his own right one of these days.

The Miracle Man exemplifies three common traits of Marvel’s stage magicians: a decidedly low-grade power set, an overambitious sense of their own villainy, and a habit of getting humbled by what we may describe as the less-than-A-listers of the Marvel Universe. Lee Guardineer (also known as The Magician), donned a top-hat and carried a cane in order to fight Ant-Man, the Wasp, and other Marvel characters.

In an astonishing display of low-energy supervillaining, Guardineer’s first venture involved waiting for his enemies to shrink and then letting his pet rabbit chase them around the room. After vanishing completely from Marvel history, Guardineer would eventually return and release a fake clothing line.

The Magician, at least, was wise enough to set his sights relatively low, but the same can’t be said for all the high-aiming fake magic artists of Marvel. The Miracle Man was almost a year old when he made his debut. Amazing Adventures #3 featured the tale of Zemu, a magic act who so astonished his audience (“It defies all logic! All reason!” shout his spectators, more correct than they know) that he parlayed his fame into a successful run for governor — that is, until Zemu was exposed as a turnip-headed alien in disguise.

His defeat, for whatever it’s worth, came at the hands of one Doctor Droom, a kind of proto-Dr. Strange’s origin story is almost exactly the same as his father’s, but with some outrageously racist additions. Droom would eventually change his name and go on to become Doctor Druid. Then he joined local TV and became a popular personality. After that, he betrayed the Avengers by becoming mind-controlled. He is sure to appear on Disney Plus.

Still, we shouldn’t get the ideal that AllThe fake-magicians from the Marvel Universe want to do harm. None of these characters could ever match Uri Geller’s ESP-powered power. Geller, although fictional, is actually a real midcentury magician who claimed to be able to telepathy or telekinesis. If he’s remembered at all today, it’s for his thorough humiliation on an episode of Johnny Carson, where he repeatedly failed to bend spoons with his mind-power.

Image: Marv Wolfman, Bob Brown/Marvel Comics

Geller, a paranormal heavy hitter in Marvel Comics with mental powers that would make Professor X blush, was however, a superhero. In one not-so-memorable mid-’70s story arc, Geller teamed up with a hilariously underwhelmed Daredevil to solve a series of mental-themed crimes across New York. Geller was able to telekinetically bend steel bars to create a prison cell for Mind-Wave and proved to be the solution to the problem. Daredevil has not been seen since.

Geller’s all-too-real abilities may be the exception to the rule. Geller is a stage magician in a world populated by sorcerers and children of Satan. It is clear that they have no other options than crime, demon pacts or career destruction.

The Marvel Universe may be the world outside your window, but it’s a world where tickets to Penn & Teller sell for pretty darn cheap.