RimWorld’s BioTech expansion turned me into a child labor-exploiting monster

Sometimes, people in my life do something they think is kind: They look at me, smile beatifically, and say, “You know, Cass, you’d be a wonderful mother.” To which I always reply, “Based on what?” I can’t even keep an Animal Crossing village free of weeds; I can’t imagine being tasked with keeping a tiny human being functional. Although the person is politely indifferent, I am able to tell them the truth. New RimWorld expansion, Biotech, just confirms my suspicions. You cannot trust me to look after a child’s welfare, even if it is in the middle a fire-breathing sci-fi colony.

Take a look at these facts RimWorldIt looks just like this Stardew ValleyType colony simulator. After a strange planet’s crash landing, my pawns create small towns, plant crops and make statues. This twist is due to the constant dangers and threats facing the colony, including wild animals, invaders, infected insects monsters and robot soldiers. There’s more. BiotechOn Oct. 21 expansion was released. It adds genetic manipulation, robotic mind control and children. Although it takes time to locate the correct colonists and research the appropriate tech, children appear immediately.

Image: Ludeon Studios

It is possible to CanAs a colony leader you will accept people and build strong communities based upon admirable values. These players welcome children to their colonies, with the intention of protecting and nurturing them. There are no skulls on spikes around these guys’ colonies, just lovely carpets and carefully crafted monuments.

My way of playing is to cultivate a witch cult deep in the mountain’s mines. I’m not a monster by any means; when children started to trickle into the colony, I initially tended to them and took care of their needs. The “comfort and care” part of that formula happened in a roundabout way, where the kids have miserable childhoods but emerge into adulthood with great mining stats. Which, when you really think about it, isn’t my fault. I’m not alone, either — other players are reporting incidents like a gang of kids showing up to ask for beer (to use in a daring prison break) or having a baby with a revolver kill their attacker.

RimWorldThe player is often subject to random encounters. Sometimes that’s a raider attack or a cluster of mechanoids falling from the sky, and other times someone calls and beseeches you for aid. BiotechThe game adds terrifying children to its chaos. It’s always a little sad when pawns call you for help and the game explains they’re in mortal peril due to being chased by seven manhunting tortoises (or another randomly generated threat), but it’s really bad when that pawn is 7 years old. A wave of raiders may be scary, but when you see that they have a 10-year-old clasping a club, you know that they’re really bad dudes.

At this point, my colony is half made up of children, all of whom I’ve saved from terrible fates. This makes me an hero, some might say. Others might wonder what the day is like for children living in my colony. It is easy to answer that question: Children love working.

Image: Ludeon Studios

If you’re a wise colony leader with everything under control, you can build a school for children, where they can learn in peace. Or, if you’re struggling, you can simply… put the kids to work. While they have few skills, their enthusiastic little hands are invaluable in helping to pick a crop or avoid starvation. You can earn points for your children as they get older. If you’ve done a good job, you get a wider array of opportunities. If you’ve done a bad job, you can find yourself staring down a choice like, Hmm, should I make this child “neurotic” and a “wimp,” or simply let him be a “cannibal”?

Children are subject to the exact same punishments and penalties as colonists. One time, Lindsey (10 years old) threw temper tantrum in my colony. It’s quite normal. Lindsey was a miner. So she made the decision to destroy an extremely important item which allowed me to immediately research any topic in the game. Lindsey was arrested.

It wasn’t pleasant; the preteen threw tantrums in prison because she wanted to “learn” and be around her “friends.” When her 13th birthday hit, the game gave me a summary of her upbringing. “She hopes that things improve in the future. Lindsey wishes to spend more time drawing pictures of mischievous mechanoids on the floor but is too busy worrying about inhaling tox gas.” …Oops.

Whereas most games compulsively protect children from harm and ensure the player can’t visit violence upon them, RimWorldIt goes the other way. It’s compelling and unique, but I also feel like this might just be proof I’m kind of a bad person. Either way, I’m having fun, and so are my minors who are also miners.