Kingdom Hearts Switch Cloud Versions review: A hardwire-only nightmare

Kingdom Hearts players have put up with a lot over the years: story nonsense, sequel titles that don’t make any sense, finales that don’t live up to over a decade of hype, and all of our friends insisting that the entire series is terrible (when only some of it is). But the Nintendo Switch Cloud Versions of the Kingdom Hearts series are perhaps the community’s biggest burdens yet. These unreasonably priced packages are barely functional, and it’s hard to recommend them to anyone, even in the most ideal conditions.

Several newer games on Nintendo Switch have opted for a “cloud version.” Instead of running natively on Switch hardware, the game leverages the player’s internet connection and streams directly to the device. In theory, it allows gamers to instantly jump in to a game without any downloads or hardware limitations. In practice, though, it’s a nightmare that doesn’t ever perform as well as the games do on much older platforms, including the PlayStation 2. (If you want to know more about how this process works and why it’s not great on Switch specifically, we highly recommend this breakdown from Digital Foundry on YouTube).

Launching the game not only requires an internet connection — something Switch owners who share an account across multiple devices are already familiar with — but players will need to sustain that connection throughout their entire play session. When you turn off your Switch, it will reconnect to the internet and establish a connection. Maybe your Switch was asleep for too long. You might experience a crash. This can be a problem in games like Kingdom Hearts. Most entries are manual saved.

These ports will not cause you to lose progress because of a connection problem.

Square Enix/Disney

Three packages are available for the Kingdom Hearts series on Switch: Kingdom Hearts HD – 1.5+2.5 ReMIX – Cloud Version ($39.99), Kingdom Hearts HD HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue Cloud Version(for $49.99) Kingdom Hearts 3+ Re Mind (DLC), Cloud Version ($49.99) — if those titles are obnoxious read, just imagine how annoying they are to type. All of these titles can be combined in one package, calledKingdom Hearts Integrum Masterpiece CloudFor $89.99 There are six games total, with one short prequel experience and three games-turned-cutscenes. The intros to four games were sufficient for this review. Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2, Kingdom Hearts: 0.2 Sleep by BirthAnd Kingdom Hearts III. In an effort to improve the experience, I tested a number of setups. They were all terrible.

Naturally I began with Kingdom Hearts. My Switch was left in the dock while I played over Wi-Fi and I began my quest on Destiny island. I had problems with the menus almost as soon as I got past them. The game’s opening music video — an absolute banger, Simple, clean and easy, beloved by 20- and 30-somethings everywhere — stuttered the entire way through. The game is not only slow, but also has a lot of lag. Looked at It is fuzzier and less obnoxious than before. The clunky PlayStation 2 Physics of Kingdom Heartstranslated well and made it almost impossible to play in some spots. In frustration, I quit after making it to Traverse Town.

After making my first attempt in this collection I docked the Switch OLED, and then connected to an Ethernet connection. (It’s worth noting that older Switch docks do not have an ethernet port, although players can purchase one from Nintendo). It booted. Kingdom Hearts 2This connection is more reliable and you can see the results. Although the frequent lag disappeared, it was not an enjoyable experience.

The game’s framerate continued to run at sub-30 frames per second, and rarely stabilized. Protagonist Roxas’ every movement felt sluggish. I did win against my opponents and won the Twilight Town Struggle competition, but the experience was still uncomfortable. Although it performed better than the Wi-Fi first game, it still felt uncomfortable. I was glad when it was finally time for me to reset. Kingdom Hearts 2To see the next part of this series, scroll down

Find out more The Sleeping Baby: Birth and the NightAndKingdom Hearts 3For the duration of my game, I switched to handheld mode. Each game performed the same as before. Both games were identical on Wi-Fi.

Square Enix via Polygon

My time spent with Kingdom Hearts on Switch was over. I decided I’d never return to them. You can’t put the game to sleep without risking a crash, so you can’t take them on a plane or to remote locations, and they aren’t good for touch-and-go travel. The games lag so badly that you can barely play them without a hardwire connection, meaning that you can’t realistically take it out of the dock, play it in bed, in the bathroom [Ed. note: gross], or at a friend’s house. And even under the most ideal setup — which completely ruins the handheld draw of the Nintendo Switch console — the games are still sluggish and miserable. If there’s a better setup than the options I exhausted, I don’t know what it would be.

Kingdom Hearts is an old series. It’s come to multiple platforms since Square Enix launched the first game in 2002, and players have ample opportunities to play them with stable frame rates, sometimes even in HD, without lag. But what about the players who’ve been waiting for this day? Switch owners who have long dreamed about seeing Hollow Bastion on their handheld screen will be drawn in by some excellent games before realizing they’re all trapped in a terrible form, relying on technology that just doesn’t work.

There will no doubt be many people who grab these games to play old favorites. And I know how they feel when the disappointment strikes. But, truthfully, it makes me feel even worse for anyone who is eager to try the entire series on their mobile device. If that describes you, and you’ve been waiting for this moment to finally dive into Kingdom Hearts: Keep waiting.

Kingdom Hearts HD – 1.5+2.5 ReMIX – Cloud Version, Kingdom Hearts HD HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue in Cloud VersionAnd Kingdom Hearts 3, + Remind (DLC), Cloud VersionThese are now available Nintendo Switch. Square Enix provided a code to review the games on Switch. Vox Media is an affiliate partner. They do not affect editorial content. However, Vox Media might earn commissions when products are purchased through affiliate links. Here are some links to help you find. additional information about Polygon’s ethics policy here.