I lived like Mario for a week

Mario is cool. He can run, he can jump, he can stomp bad guys, he can rescue princesses, he can play sports, he went to medical school, he can paint, he’s a top dog in a number of sports, and he’s been made of paper. There’s nothing Mario can’t do.

He may be on his way to becoming an international icon, now that he’s made a million-dollar film. But what does it really take to reach the level of the Mushroom Kingdom’s No. 1 plumber? Want to know more?

Although I don’t resemble Mario at all, I could easily dress myself up in his likeness: red cap, blue overalls with a mustache and yahoo. It’s not about becoming Mario or living up his image. You can also check out our other stylesI would have to go further. Mario’s daily life would require me to be there.

Over five days I tried to discover the true essence of being a cool plumber, princess saver, kart driver, etc. Here is my story.

Day 1: Mario time!

It was a brand new day and a whole new week. But this time I lived as Mario. The time had come to get to work. Normally I would take the subway, but Mario doesn’t do that. He is always running. And as Mario does, I do too. This morning, I ran 5 miles to get to work.

I quickly learned I can’t run five miles to work. It was hot and my legs were hurting.

As soon as I started working, I did just that. Wearing Mario’s clothes, but working very hard.

The author sits at an office desk wearing a Mario costume, including his hat and mustache. There is a plunger on the desk to the right of the author’s work laptop.

I still had to do my job even though I was living as Mario, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t do Mario’s job, too. Mario loves to take risks so I went and found my own bathroom for me.

Mario’s commitment inspired me to take up plumbing. Although I have a plumbing degree, I do not possess any training in the field. However, I believe that my father would be very proud.

XTINA GG, dressed as Mario, stands in a bathroom holding a plunger above a toilet.

Then I was ready to jump in. My colleague Pat was kind enough to help me out by setting up Mario’s signature Mystery Block. Mario was my idol for many years. I had seen his great achievements countless of times. Then I decided to follow in his footsteps.

I jumped. I felt powerful. We went higher and higher…

Tina, mid-leap, whacking a Mystery Block that we taped to a ceiling duct in the messy and brightly lit Vox Media office.

Dinner was waiting for me when I got home from work. Not my actual home, but Mario’s cultural home, Little Italy.

At a local ristoranteWhat did Mario do while waiting for his food? What does Mario do when he is waiting to eat? What does Mario do while he waits for his food? No. No. Do you stare at others eating while they are doing it? I didn’t know. What I knew was that Mario loved sangria. (That’s just a headcanon. Don’t sue me, Nintendo. I just thought it’d be really funny for people to see Mario drinking sangria.)

Tina holds a massive forkful of spaghetti, with noodles falling off the fork. She’s dressed as Mario, sitting in an outdoor dining shed on a sunny, flower-lined New York street.

It was a really large pasta. The pasta was too big. Mario loves spaghetti, but… I really couldn’t finish all of it. I still finished the sangria. I felt. Unstoppable.

After a good meal, I returned to my real home. Where would Mario’s life take me next?

XTina GG in a mario costume giving a double thumbs up before jumping on the subway to Brooklyn

We are now on Day 2!

It was Tuesday and my colleagues were working from home, so we went out to buy some food. However, I had to look for either spaghetti or mushrooms. There was nothing else.

My local deli was the first place I went to look for suitable food. The majority of Brooklyn delis did not offer breakfast meals based on spaghetti and mushrooms. Mario stood there and waited for my roommates to order.

The delis also do not accept big coins.

Needing to feed my family, I went to the nearest grocery store that was guaranteed to sell frozen spaghetti. That’s what I believed. As I walked down the aisle of the freezer, I discovered that they only had one spaghetti. I was shocked to find only one spaghetti in the freezer aisle. What happened to the spaghetti???

The story ends happily: I have found all the spaghetti. This is a well-done job.

Tina, dressed as Mario, gleefully holds a pile of boxes of microwave spaghetti, in front of a large freezer of frozen foods.

Speaking of jobs: At this point, I wasn’t doing my job because I spent so long looking for spaghetti.

Day 3: I’m-a the Superstar!

This time I didn’t run. But this time, I wasn’t going to run. But I was thinking of something else. Hello, Yoshi.

Christina, dressed as Mario, stares blankly into space, holding a busted dinosaur head on a stick

This green dinosaur on a stick allowed me to ride the metro while maintaining my authenticity as Mario. It’s true.

As soon as I arrived at the office I began working, but I was exhausted without caffeine. It was time for… a boost. What mushrooms actually does Mario eat? What mushrooms could I eat that wouldn’t kill me? Google had few responses to “mushrooms that make you hype as fuck.”

I went back to work and ate the mushrooms that Whole Foods only had.

Tina, dressed as Mario, grimacing as they bite into a raw Baby Bella mushroom.

Eating raw mushrooms did not seem like a good idea and it wasn’t. The texture of the mushroom was very squishy. Mario was a horrible character.

After work, I went to Coney Island and did Mario things. Karting, golf, archery — the New York City neighborhood is an oasis for a person living as Mario for the week.

XTINA GG holding a plush Luigi in Coney Island

In Coney Island, I recognized myself. I felt like a celebrity. Mario was on the tablecloths.

Then I went to an archery stand to fulfill my dream. Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games. Mario was the only one there. Sonic wasn’t. But, she seemed to be very happy. The arrow was my favorite part.

The excitement was short lived, because it was soon discovered that I am not very good at archery. Maybe I didn’t have the physical coordination to be Mario? The wave of dismay swept over me.

Then, the very nice lady came back and grabbed me a SNORLAX even though I had hit absolutely nothing!!

Mario loves to play golf, so I did the same. A couple of holes later, I was thinking: I’m not very good at being Mario.

XTina GG takes a swing at a mini golf course while dressed as Mario

Golf is tough. Mario does not do three over par. It’s boring to play golf. Mario has to endure it whenever someone wants to golf. Mario Golf. Mario needs to be released from the endless loop of holes. It’s a horrible existence.

Thank goodness, I was able to combine karting with golf. When they actually let me buy a ticket, I was thrilled: I don’t have a driver’s license, but it didn’t matter. I doubted they’d have a DMV in the Mushroom Kingdom anyway.

Tina dressed as Mario, driving a go-kart, a look of intense concentration on her face.

I drove like a maniac!!!!!!!!! A maniac who drives at a very reasonable speed that’s definitely under the speed limit. They were slower than I had expected, but WOWIE. I felt free. The turns were made. I was Mario. Mario.

Mario was passed by a couple of people who seemed to be enjoying the experience. Guess I’m not an aggressive enough driver. But I ended right back where I started, and that’s a dub in my book.

Day 4: Oh my!

Work more.

“More spaghetti”

More plunging.

Running is more fun.

The More Jumping.

Today I tried to sprint side-to-side, but soon tired myself out. So I came to the conclusion that maybe Mario is more of a jogger… It’s a marathon, not a race… Wait, a marathon is a race…

Day 5: It’s game over!

Although my last day involved jumping, diving, and eating spaghetti, I still wanted to finish my Mario week on a high note. Mario is a big gamer and fan of mine. The people deserved to see me. We all then went to the nightclub. Mario?

Mario is a dancer, and so am I. It is canon that this happens. Dance Dance Revolution – Mario MixThis is something. It was so hot that I also sweated.

Tina dressed as Mario, riding piggyback on a friend wearing a Yoshi head, in a dark club. Her fist is raised triumphantly.

A few things became clear to me after a week of work as Mario:

Mario is loved equally by adults and kids. Seeing Mario on the street brightens people’s days. It made me happy to see people smile.
Dogs don’t seem to really care about Mario.
Mario was the first thing people thought of when they looked at me. Not once was I catcalled while wearing these. Mario called me. It felt great.
Mario is both my best friend and worst enemy. Mario was my best friend. My joy was real. Mario made me feel like a complete failure. My archery skills were terrible.

There may have been parts of the week where maybe I didn’t do You may also like: what Mario would’ve done. But that’s because being Mario is actually really fucking hard. He’s such a specific guy. It’s amazing how he has such stamina. I don’t know how he does it.

Hey, it was just a week. And he’s been Mario his whole life, so, maybe someday I’ll get there.