How Would Gran Turismo 7’s Best Cars Look If Kirby Ate Them?

Gran Turismo 7 is out on March 4. Driving sim fans are in complete tizzy and asking themselves the burning question: What would Gran Turismo 7’s gorgeously rendered cars look like if Kirby stole them? They’re not sure if you’ve seen it yet, but they are curious about the possibility. 

This is because Kirby, the Forgotten Land launches March 1st and also features his new suction capability: Mouthful Mode. The pink fluff was able to inhale a car, taking its form in one of the cutest forms of body horror that I have ever seen. That same car is probably in Gran Turismo 7 (it’s got a bazillion vehicles, so the odds are in my favor), meaning that these games are a match made in… somewhere. 

So I went on a search for GT7’s top cars, and Kirby ended up eating them. This put an end to our collective curiosity. It’s what I decided to do instead of being productive. I agree with you. I have no knowledge of cars and car culture. Gran Turismo enthusiasts are a fun-loving bunch who enjoy lighthearted and humorous perspectives on their favourite racing series. This is the one for you, guys. 

Each entry has a photo of the car and a professional-grade render of Kirby eating. For a stunning before-and-after, click the arrows on each photo! 

 Alfa Romeo 8C 2900

Other than the revelation that “Alfa Romeo” is a great indie wrestler name, I like the classy design of this automobile. Its elongated nose/hood. You’d think Kirby would have a tough time getting that down his gullet but surprise! He does it just fine and the Alfa Romeo has a better result. 

Alpine Vision Gran Turismo 2017

This car isn’t real and can only be found in Gran Turismo. This is fine, but Kirby also doesn’t exist. The cockpit’s offset is to the right so I assumed Kirby would do the same and place his peepers in the appropriate position. I think this makeover proves that if the Alpine Vision is ever manufactured, selling it with a Kirby-themed car covering would cause units to fly off assembly lines. 

ABARATH 1500 Biposto Bertone B.A.T 1’52

The Abarath has a name a mile long and an unusual face sporting three headlights. Kirby’s adaptability is evident in the way he would move his eyes between left and right lamps. It made him look like a gelatinous, hammerhead shark. I bet he’d also emit a comforting pink glow as well once you fire up that trio of lights. Who wouldn’t want their luxury vehicle to go Super Saiyan Rosé? 

BAC Mono 2011

I actually know this car because it was my primary vehicle in Forza Horizon 5. Sorry, I’ve been told that uttering the “F” word in the same breath as Gran Turismo is highly upsetting to fans for some reason. The BAC Mono has a unique body shape, and it may be the world’s most expensive tripping hazard due to how low it is to the road. The way that pointy seat protrudes through Kirby’s form looks painful, but I think the marriage is mutually beneficial otherwise. 

Delorean DMC-12 2004,

Ah, another car! This is the world’s most famous machine for timekeeping (sorry). Doctor Who fans) looks even better with a coat of sentient pink fondant over it. Kirby doesn’t require roads to eat where he is eating. It makes no sense. But, I did really need a. Back to the Future quote, guys. 

T

Ferrari 330 P4 ’67 

The one thing I know about Ferrari is the strict rules governing what you can do with one. The rules prohibit owners from altering or manipulating the vehicle. It is strictly forbidden. That’s why it would be highly entertaining to witness the horror on a Ferrari enthusiast’s face as Kirby slobs all over one of these things. Kirby still shows a modicum of respect, however, by leaving the Ferrari badge uncovered. Because it is reminiscent of Speed Racer’s Mach 5, I love this model. Kirby should devour him too and transform into Racer Kirby or something. 

Lamborghini Lambo V12 Vision Gran Turismo

I know I said I don’t keep up with car stuff, but I had no clue that Lamborghini was in the business of making Batmobiles. We may soon be able to ride around in one of these cars. Another concept car. Kirby is only asking one question about the car: Will it be available in pink? 

Now that I have painfully squeezed every drop of juice from this stupid premise, which of Gran Turismo’s fancy cars would you like to see Kirby absorb into his pink form? On a scale of “kind of silly” to “upsettingly moronic,” where does this article rank? Please leave your kind thoughts below.