All the scenes in Dune where people are secretly pooping

You may be aware that not everyone is equal. DuneThey pee in their pants. While Denis Villenueve’s new film adaptation sidesteps mentioning this simple canonical fact, it doesn’t Refrain it either — so anyone who has read Frank Herbert’s original novel or seen David Lynch’s 1984 film version can whisper to their date about how that guy on the screen, Paul Dune, is totally Dune a big one in his pants right now.

Or at least, that’s what I wanted to do the minute I saw this film — a lavish and completely engrossing spectacle that, despite its length, I did not leave for a bathroom break once. Where will I be in the future? Dune Part Two This is an everyday reality. I’m running both in a theatre, which may prove more difficult. A stillsuit might help.

As you might have gathered from the reading, Dune (or Polygon dot com’s handy Dune Guide), the Fremen, who are natives to the harsh desert planet of Arrakis, have developed what they call stillsuits to survive without fresh water. Stillsuits recycle nearly all of the body’s moisture, which Herbert’s novel notes includes urine and feces, which are processed in the stillsuit’s thigh pads.

As I mentioned, once this information is ingrained in your brain you will be able to remember it when watching. Dune, you immediately want to figure out who’s pooping and when. This is what I did.

[Ed. note: The rest of this post contains mild spoilers for Dune (2021).]

The Gom Jabbar ritual includes pooping

Image by Warner Bros./HBO Max

While this scene takes place before any of our heroes set foot on Arrakis and there isn’t a stillsuit in sight, there is absolutely no way someone does not undergo the Gom Jabbar ritual (the one with the pain box) WithoutYou can void everything. There is no shame in this — it’s an absolutely bananas way to treat a teenager, and Paul walks it off with incredible aplomb.

Duke Leto is an outstanding pooper

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I’m speculating a bit here, mostly because i want to note the look of satisfaction on Duke Leto’s face when he arrives on Arrakis. Leto, the new regent of Arrakis would not allow himself to have a BM, no matter how much he loved the stillsuit. Leto spends the majority of his time on Arrakis. DuneFeeling trapped in between two worlds, and not knowing how to get out. Desert power. Instead, I imagine this is what Leto’s Number Two face looks like, because Duke Leto does everything the same way: Handsomely.

Stilgar is a model of respect

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Dune isn’t exactly a comedy, but it does have a funny fish-out-of-water scene or two, like when Duke Leto’s council meets with the Fremen leader Stilgar for the first time. Stilgar doesn’t really have time for imperial decorum, but he does have a few customs of his own, like spitting on the Duke’s table as a sign of respect. The Fremen regard the body’s moisture as incredibly precious and, as Duncan Idaho tells the Duke, it means a lot when they are not preserving it. Stilgar immediately began to recycle water to compensate for the loss.

Paul, I understand

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This is young Paul’s first bad trip on spice, with many more to come. This is his first contact with a sandworm. There’s really only one reasonable response to all of that.

Dune’s stealth pooper

Image by Warner Bros./HBO Max

At this point, you’re probably wondering if I’m merely calling out every scene where someone is wearing a stillsuit (and a few where they are not) in some cheap ploy to indulge in toilet humor at work. It would not be true. That would be false. a lotThey would be able to feel the warmth of a stillsuit and not worry about what they are feeling.

This scene is an example: There are many ManyIn anticipation of Dune’s climactic duel. This could be interpreted as a communal evacuation. However, that would be flimsy and misleading. There’s only one person pooping here, and it’s the one trying hardest to look the most relaxed.

Image by Warner Bros./HBO Max

It’s Zendaya.