A Zelda movie should be dark fantasy, so I made it happen

On the playground, my friends and I used to pretend that we lived in Hyrule. Under the monkey bar, my friends and me searched the wood chips for spirits of the restless Poes. We entered the Lost Woods through the corkscrew. When the bell rang we pretended that it was the clocktower in the movie. Majora’s Mask, signaling the “Dawn of the Last Day.” We made up our own dark and fantastic storylines, and acted them out like the Legend of Zelda, the film of our Dreams

I’m older now, and though I don’t play make-believe quite as much as before, I haven’t stopped imagining a movie adaptation of Nintendo’s great adventure series. When I found myself suddenly with lots of time after I lost my work a few months ago, I realized that the moment had come to turn my dark fantasy into a reality. It’s true, I did make a Legend of Zelda movie… kind of. Since being laid off, I’ve cut together a trailer, an opening credits roll, and a breakdown video, and I wrote a 40-page story treatment for a whole-ass feature film called Links to the Lost AgeMore on this later.

This isn’t just fanfiction or childhood wish fulfillment, though. Let’s be real — Nintendo and Universal are going to announce a Zelda The billion-dollar follow-up Super Mario Bros. MovieIt could happen any moment now. So I see my project as a simple plea: If you’re going to bring the Master Sword to the big screen, please don’t forget to give it some sharp edges. That is to say: Please don’t make The Legend of Zelda just another Minions movie!

This whole project really began a few months ago, when I watched Ridley Scott’s Legend For the first. The next episode of my podcast was planned with the co-host. Eye of the Duck, and I’d been curious about the dark fantasy movies of the 1980s. Five minutes into LegendImmediately, it was clear that the podcast and our entire lives would be devoted to watching this movie. I could already tell that we were going to devote the next weeks and months of our podcast, (and even more importantly, our lives!)

Universal Pictures Home Entertainment

The film was released in 1985. Legend is most famous for Tim Curry’s portrayal of the devil, who now might as well be the definitive movie Satan (though in the film he’s simply called “Darkness”). The film is a dark, windswept, glitter-dusted hallucination, an experience so disorienting that Gene Siskel said it was like “recalling a bad dream” (he hated it). It’s also rumored to have inspired the creation of the first Zelda game, though that’s almost certainly impossible, since they were in production at the exact same time. The suspicion is understandable. LegendZelda and blood may be related, however. The film occupies a strange space in between a hack and slash epic, and a surrealist terror film, about the horrors of living and growing up in an alternate universe where darkness is always present, regardless of whether you like it. There are also fairies. Does this sound familiar to you?

Zelda is no different. Like some of the most memorable dark fantasy films from that period, it’s not afraid to go to unpleasant places. Since decades, Zelda games have been exploring difficult themes like the loss of innocent in Ocarina Of TimeThe apocalypse is ticking away. Majora’s Mask. It’s the franchise’s unique combination of thematic gloominess and wild, uninhibited fantasy that reminds me so much of Scott’s Legend. And as I began to explore other films from the ’80s dark fantasy movement, I became convinced there was a Zelda movie hidden in the decade somewhere. It was then that I set out to track it down.

The movies in this series are full of the same unbridled creativity that runs through the Legend of Zelda franchise. There are castles, swords and horses. And there are scary monsters. But it’s more than that. Unburdened by the demands of today’s cinematic universe-building, movies like Conan the Barbarian, HighlanderThen, Neverending StoryThey were able to take their swings. They were released in the aftermath of Star Wars. Before you know it Jurassic Park, when the concept of the “blockbuster” was still quite new, and directors were being given the resources to match Star Wars’ success — but nobody quite knew for sure how to make a movie into a billion-dollar enterprise (adjusted for inflation, of course).

So that’s how we end up with so many wonderfully bizarre attempts at capturing Star Wars’ magic. Jim Henson Company attempted both a super-dark muppets movie and Dark CrystalIt’s a weird, sexually bizarre pseudo-musical. Labyrinth. There’s Matthew Robbins’ Dragonslayer (made by many of the same people who made Star Wars), a hardcore sword-and-sorcery film with a practically made dragon that’s breathtaking. Then, later on in the decade came cult hits like Neverending Story, a portal fantasy that teaches kids to read… or die! Other less famous gems include The Company of WolvesA perverted Freudian Little Red Riding Hood Return to Oz, which asks, “What if The Wizard of Oz was a total nightmare?”

Photo: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment

When it comes to the value of darkness in kids films, I often think about what director and legendary puppeteer Frank Oz said about longtime collaborator Jim Henson: “He thought it was fine to scare children. He didn’t think it was healthy for children to always feel safe.” And after watching the best of the ’80s dark fantasy movement, I have to agree with him — our current fantasy movies are too safe. What can children learn from the Super Mario Bros. Movie, other than “it’s cool to be Mario”? The truth is that there are no absolutes. Skywalker: The Rise of SkywalkerOr Ant-Man & the WaspThe list is endless. It’s not about traumatizing children with kids movies, but it’s like Darkness says in Legend: “What is light without dark?”

I hope my Zelda videos represent — no, celebrate! — the ’80s dark fantasy movement. It is my hope that Nintendo and Universal will look back to the ’80s dark fantasy movement as they prepare what I believe will be yet another blockbuster movie. But just in case they need a refresher… I wrote a dark fantasy Zelda movie myself! It’s called Links to the Lost AgeYou can find the entire story (with awesome artwork by my talented Brother Vince) here. The PDF has 40 pages, but is short. It’s just three words: old man Link. And yes, there’s a role for an aging Demon King Ganon, too, if Tim Curry is interested…

Legend Rent or buy the digital version of this title on Amazon, Apple TVThen, Vudu. Conan the Barbarian Netflix offers a wide range of streaming content. Highlander The streaming is on Prime Video, PeacockYou can watch Crackle for free, with advertisements on Freevee and The Roku Channel. Neverending Story Hoopla offers free streaming with your library card, as well as digital rentals and purchases on Amazon, Apple TVThen, Vudu. Dark Crystal You can rent or buy digital copies of the film on Amazon, Apple TVThen, Vudu. Labyrinth The streaming is on Hulu. Dragonslayer It is available to rent or buy digitally on Kanopy. Amazon, Apple TVThen, Vudu. The Company of Wolves The streaming is on ShudderAMC Plus is free, but you can get it with Kanopy ads. Return to OzStreaming on Disney Plus.