13 Activision Blizzard and Xbox cross-promotions we’re doomed to see

Microsoft’s announcement of its intent to buy Activision Blizzard was a major event. When the deal closes sometime next year, Xbox will own a giant collection of video game properties — Duty Call, Warcraft, and much more. And if Disney has taught us anything, it’s that consolidation breeds cross-promotion.

Here are 13 (hopefully) fake predictions for Xbox’s cross-promotional plans.

A Master Chief operator in 2023’s Call of Duty

If this one doesn’t happen, I’ll be shocked. This is what it looks like Halo Infinite, Master Chief already learned to sprint and aim down sights — he’s been training for this moment. And as I’ve been saying for years, anything Frank the rabbit from Donnie Darko can do, Master Chief can do better.

Jimmy Raynor in Gears 6

Jim Raynor is an armor boy of bulk with a shaggy beard and short haircut. His favorite pastime is blowing away goopy aliens within inches of his face. He’s basically already in Gears of War; Microsoft just has to make it official.

A Warthog mount in World of Warcraft

The World of WarcraftHeroes and their friends are already familiar with alternate timelines and space. It only makes sense that next year I’ll be rolling around Kalimdor in in my Warthog jeep, trying not to aggro mobs. A Pelican, which I have unlocked, can attach to my Warthog and transport me.

The Zerg is Minecraft

The Zerg make unsettling noises and they’re obnoxiously persistent, fitting the two main criteria to be an enemy in Minecraft. Imagine leaving your castle and returning to your sprawling Zerg nest, where you will find all of your rooms filled with goop. Nasty.

Hammond Wrecking Ball with a driving motor Forza Horizon 6

Forza is a mix of hardcore racing and slow, tranquil rides through the wilderness. You can read more about the OnlyYou could also try rolling in a massive ball of hamsters to crush all other cars.

Clippy helps with World of Warcraft’s dungeon finder

This one we’re borrowing from World of Warcraft YouTuber Taliesin & Evitel’s Twitter account. But as much as I’d love Clippy to help me find a dungeon group, I worry about how quickly the LFG community will beat the soul out of his poor, blinky eyes.

Tracer excels at running away from zombies Condition of Decay 3

Zombies aren’t very fast, but you need a lot of energy to run from them forever. That’s why Tracer, Overwatch’s most energetic hero, will come to Condition of Decay 3As a survivor. Imagine running away from zombies, then being teleported backwards to amaze them all. Zombies don’t have object permanence! They’ll forget Tracer was ever there.

Kerrigan’s mind is your guide Psychonauts 3

Psychonauts can be great but it is too adorable. People’s minds can be truly dark places. That’s why Psychonauts 3Kerrigan will allow us to enter her mind. We’ll get to platform our way through her life as a Ghost, mother of the Zerg, and a giant god lady.

Stop Nazis calling Azmodan Lord of Sin in to their headquarters Wolfenstein 3

Nazis are always up to horrible shit, and we’ve already seen a look into their occult interests in Wolfenstein: The New Order Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus. It only makes sense for them to summon a giant crab demon in BJ’s next Nazi-hunting adventure.

DoomgIn place of the Demon Hunter, uy will be replaced by uy Diablo 4

Four classes have already been announced by Blizzard Diablo 4However, the fifth and final one is still unsolved. Doomguy would be a natural pick — he’s been killing demons in droves for, like, 28 years — and it would make for great marketing for the follow-up to Doom Eternal.

In search of 50 Elwynn Forest Boars Mutated Fallout 5

We’ve all spent hours hunting for bandits in Fallout games and grinding boars for experience points in World of Warcraft. Why not just combine players’ favorite activities by mutating some classic Elwynn Forest boars and plopping them into the Wasteland?

Crash Bandicoot Excel spreadsheets

Many PlayStation 1 owners now work for their living to afford their Game Pass subscription. Microsoft is foolish to not take advantage of working people and provide an Excel extension that lets Crash Bandicoot run in your empty cells.

The Lost Vikings will be the last bosses The Elder Scrolls 6

The Lost Vikings are some of Blizzard’s oldest heroes, so why not insert them into a new game everyone’s excited for? The Lost Vikings will make formidable final foes for players in Bethesda’s upcoming Elder Scrolls 6 — the real problem is that only one of them can move at a time.