Super Mario Bros. Wonder’s Elephant Peach awakened something in Bowser

You’d think that after 35 years of kidnapping Peach, Bowser might take a hint. She isn’t into you, bro! Unfortunately for the Mushroom Kingdom princess, Bowser’s crush seems like it will only intensify with the release of Super Mario Bros. Wonder later this month — a game in which Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and Toad can all turn into elephants.

Bowser’s real love is elephants dressed in dresses.

Nintendo confirmed Wednesday this fetish with an amateurish and careless video that shows Bowser trying to win Princess Peach over by using a rose. Peach was confused by this offer. She is hit by an Elephant Fruit and becomes pachyderm thick, much to King Koopas’ delight. His eyes tell you that something has been triggered in him. Bowser’s love for Peach becomes pure obsession as he is confronted by a princess who has the same volume, strength, and mass.

Take a look at the slackjawed and lovestruck freak.

This revelation is a theory It is a good idea to usePeach would benefit. Perhaps Bowser will come to terms with his new attraction, and will seek out a Koopa queen who’s more to his particular taste than some delicate human(?) princess. Given that elephants don’t seem to exist in the Mushroom Kingdom outside of fruit-based power-ups, though, it may be hard for Bowser to find a suitable, consensual mate that fits his newly awakened interests. Whatever those are, they don’t seem to be as focused on Peach in her human form.

I am now rooting for Bowser, in hopes that he’ll curb his life of kidnapping, and instead spend some time on elephant dating apps, or flying around in his little clown copter finding true, Mutual reciprocity love.

Super Mario Bros. WonderNintendo Switch is releasing a new game, Elephant Fruits, on the 20th of October. Elephant Fruits aren’t the only new power-up, either. You can read more about the new 2D side-scrolling Mario game in Polygon’s hands-on preview.