Pinocchio is everywhere, from Disney to Netflix, but only one of them is hot

We’ve hit peak Pinocchio season. There’s a wooden marionette who wants to be a real boy everywhere. Disney’s live-action adaptation will launch on Disney Plus in September, and Guillermo del Toro’s highly anticipated stop-motion animated version of the story will hit Netflix in December. It doesn’t end there — nope, this is the gift that keeps on giving. Video games will be available in 2023. The lies of P, which will meld Pinocchio’s story with BloodborneThe Xbox Series X will feature a new, inspired gameplay on PlayStation 5 and Xbox PC.

That’s a lot of Pinocchio, my friends! However, only one Pinocchio dares to venture where no boy before. This Pinocchio is the only one. Hot. And it’s not the stop-motion bark-looking guy.

Image by Netflix

P lies has a very different, distinctive take on Pinocchio — he now looks more like Timothée Chalamet. Like an actor. Riverdale — Hot actors are hired to portray teens in shows that employ them. Pinocchio does not look like a teenager.

Pinocchio dreams big but ThisPinocchio dreams bigger. What a leap to go from this flamin’ hot Pinocchio:

Image: Disney

This is the guy who made it:

Neowiz

A gameplay trailer for The lies of P was revealed during Tuesday’s Gamescom Opening Night Live. This steampunk hero can swap out arm pieces for various types of weapons, and he’ll be fighting his way back to Gepetto. It’s a large departure from the classic Pinocchio adaptions of yore — The lies of P is set in the city of Krat, which has become “a living hell filled with unspeakable horrors.” Though this one might come closest to capturing just how dark, genuinely brutal, and outright weird the classic book is.

Pinocchio, as we all know, is a canonical liar. Is it possible for the game to keep his trademark growing nose, but still maintain an emo-like look? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.