Watch Ted Lasso vs. Ryan Reynolds’ ‘Welcome to Wrexham’ in FIFA 23

Ted Lasso vs. Deadpool! Bantr vs. TikTok Who ya got?!

To FIFA 23 Jason Sudeikis’ fictional AFC Richmond joins Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney’s very real Wrexham AFC as celebrity “Rest of World” soccer clubs, the kinds of teams that, as a matter of authenticity, mayyyyybe shouldn’t be In The Game. But in the name of good-times fan service, they’re still here. Therefore, naturally I decided to test which one of these made-for-TV sideways would triumph.

It didn’t take 100 simulations to find out who’s better.

Image: EA Vancouver/Electronic Arts via Polygon

Reynolds is the Wrexham AFCGet a Free Guy Detective PikachuMcElhenney (Mythic Quest, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia(acquired at the close of 2020) is the topic of Wrexham is your homeFX’s 11-part documentary, titled (Episodes 1-11). It premiered in August on FX. They are a Welsh football team and play at the highest level…of the semipro division of the English football league. EA Sports put Wrexham AFC into the top tier last year. FIFA 22’s “Rest of World” grouping, the first time any out-of-league (i.e., not fully professional) club made the video game. The Dragons’ bargain seems to be that they’re shackled to a one-star rating, barely a match for the EFL League One and League Two sides in FIFA 23.

AFC Richmond stars are much more rated than those with a professional resume. They are a four-star team (out of five), competitive with the Barclays Premier League and clear of the stragglers who would be fighting to stay out of the Prem’s relegation zone. Yet in Ted Lasso The Greyhounds lose their last fixture and they are demoted to EFL Championship season 1. In season 2, the Greyhounds play seven matches, in which every opponent draws.

Maybe they aren’t four-star worthy, but they’ve got more than Wrexham can handle. The tape is here:

Image: EA Vancouver/Electronic Arts via Polygon

Prior to starting my CPU-versus CPU simulation I wondered which club would get the results, given enough match time and massaging the sliders and difficulty. In my first attempt to simulate, I quickly answered that question. The only remaining issue was how many Richmond’s goals would be enough for them to win.

To wit: Here’s the effervescent striker Dani Rojas (Cristo Fernández) pounding home a delightful setup to the near post for a 1-nil lead in the 11th minute.

Midway through the second half, I started rooting for Wrexham to win the game. When they did, it usually ended in this kind of a lightning counterattack, also sent home by Guadalajara’s finest:

These halftime stats told me I didn’t really need to see the next 45 minutes of a CPU-versus-CPU simulation. The talent gap leaves one question: Can a human defeat AFC Richmond and Wrexham AFC, given the disparity in their talents?

Image: EA Vancouver/Electronic Arts via Polygon

Answer: This human is not the one. My FIFA skills are not top-notch. I use a simple attack strategy and occasionally resort to special moves in order to get around defenders. But Wrexham AFC simply does not have the pace to get ahead of Richmond’s back line, particularly against the sorely underrated center-back/clubhouse barber Isaac McAdoo (Kola Bokinni), who cut out every through-ball I managed to squeak into any square inch of free space.

Image: EA Vancouver/Electronic Arts via Polygon

At “professional” difficulty, with six-minute halves, I was proud that I held Richmond to a 3-nil victory, even getting free for a breakaway shot on target that Richmond keeper Thierry Zoreaux (Moe Jeudy-Lamour) barely deflected wide. I switched my team tactics to “ultra attacking” just to see if I could pressure Richmond at all and take advantage of any mistake to score. That left me open to the opportunistic Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster) — I knew I wasn’t getting away without hearing from him — blasting one in from about 42 yards out for the third and last nail in Wrexham’s coffin.

This is the complete story. My man of the match was Aaron Hayden (Aaron Hayden), the right fullback who hurled himself against the door to stop AFC Richmond’s 18-shot onslaught.

Image: EA Vancouver/Electronic Arts via Polygon

Richmond was assisted by Sam Obisanya, a fan favorite (Toheeb Jooh), with this bellissimo Tartt’s give-and-go play was the key to putting the Greyhounds ahead 2-0. This play wasn’t pivotal or anything; I just like how EA Sports rubs my nose in it with the HyperMotion 2.0 replay.